Perhaps these late-night losers will cease pondering the world is ending

So, a Republican has received an election, and you realize what meaning. Jimmy Carter has to remain alive for 4 extra years. It is also time for liberals to inform themselves that they are nonetheless proper about every thing and their hysteria and delusions of persecution are completely regular. 

But, proper now, they’re melting like that stick of butter Pleasure Behar retains between her thighs to stop chafing. Working example, final night time, all the opposite late-night hosts threw a hissy match. It is too dangerous Tim Walz remains to be grieving or he may ship all of them a sack of business energy tampons. Poor Jimmy. True, it was a horrible night time for girls, youngsters and for the a whole lot of hundreds of hard-working immigrants who reduce his garden. 

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JIMMY KIMMEL: It was a horrible night time for girls, for kids, for the a whole lot of hundreds of hardworking immigrants who make this nation go. For healthcare, for our local weather, for science, for journalism, for justice, without cost speech. It was a horrible night time for poor folks, for the center class, for seniors who depend on Social Safety. For our allies in Ukraine, for NATO, for the reality. And democracy and decency. And it was a horrible night time for everybody who voted towards him. And guess what? It was a foul night time for everybody who voted for him, too. You simply do not realize it but. 

You understand what? If I ever cry on TV, it’s going to be as a result of Maroon 5 put out a brand new music. However that is it ya huge ****. Now, bear in mind when Johnny Carson cried like a child over Ronald Reagan getting elected? Yeah, neither do I. And you realize why he did not? As a result of his spouse did not hold his balls in a Tupperware container subsequent to a field of tofu burgers. However the killer phrase was on the finish when Kimmel mentioned, “You simply do not realize it.” Since you see, he is smarter than you and he wants you to know that. And his ego cannot bear that there is somebody on the market extra well-known and extra influential than him. I obtained information for you, Kimmel. The final time you mattered, Bruce Jenner nonetheless had a penis.

I like you, Bruce. 

Caitlyn Jenner arrives on the 2016 Self-importance Truthful Oscar Occasion Hosted By Graydon Carter at Wallis Annenberg Heart for the Performing Arts on February 28, 2016 in Beverly Hills, California. (John Shearer/Getty Photographs)

Jimmy’s profession peaked with busty women on trampolines. Now the one boob we see is him. He as soon as co-hosted the Man present. Now he is sobbing like he simply watched Metal Magnolias three days into his menstrual cycle. Here is one other morose multimillionaire.

STEPHEN COLBERT: Hey there. How are you doing? In the event you watch the present frequently, I am guessing you are not doing nice. Yeah, me neither.

You are not doing nice? You are filthy wealthy and completely immune from the crap you push on everybody else. By the best way, I am really doing high quality, Stephen. Aside from the 48-hour erection I’ve had since they known as Pennsylvania, I am feeling no ache, bro. 

However, Stephen, have you ever tried perhaps simply getting over your self? You’ve got been bashing Trump for eight years, and all you have finished is assist put him again in energy. After being mistaken about one thing day-after-day and night time for eight years, you may take into account making an attempt one thing new, like, I do not know, comedy. However not less than Seth Meyers reveals the supply of his anguish — relevance. Trump has it. He does not.

SETH MEYERS: We reside in an infinite time warp the place Donald Trump has all the time been and can all the time be the middle of the universe. There may be no escape. All hail our highly effective and benevolent supreme chief.

Hmmm, or how about you simply do your dumb little comedy present and cease appearing such as you tried to avoid wasting the world, however we have been too ungrateful to take heed to your brilliance. NBC’s late-night present was once wacky excessive jinks till Seth turned it into an hour along with your homosexual therapist. So these fellows are experiencing deep psychological ache. And it is not simply them. Journalists at the moment are providing tricks to cope with their disappointment, frustration, even concern. And I get it. That is regular after any loss. 

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I am nonetheless mad about dropping World’s Sexiest Man to Johnny Depp. However why would folks really feel concern? Perhaps as a result of they’re solely information sources are continually telling them Trump’s going to show America into Nazi Germany. However you realize who felt precise concern through the Biden administration? Individuals who needed to experience the subway or have to purchase groceries or anyone who needs to bang a chick who does not have testicles. That is lots of people. However now, even Kamala admits every thing’s going to be high quality. A lot for Trump being Hitler. Seems she was mendacity the entire time. All of them have been. 

Nonetheless, CBS gave helpful suggestions for dealing with loss. CNN recommends taking deep breaths, lengthy walks. And please, do not suppress your feelings. Often after they cry this a lot, they’re sharing an elevator with Brian Stelter on Taco Tuesday. And so, the media is providing you with options to the issues they triggered. 

In any case, who generated all of the anxiousness by promising the apocalypse if Trump received? They did. It is like local weather hysteria. They bang the drum on it sufficient after which children got here down with local weather stress. 

Take a look at Kimmel and Colbert, they’re f*** wrecks as a result of they consider the media. And but, we’re high quality as a result of we weren’t brainwashed. We all know the media’s job is to misinform create anxiousness out of proportion to the precise risk or no risk in any respect. 

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Journalists actually solely want to present you one tip to handle stress and that is cease being attentive to journalists. Perhaps these late-night losers will cease pondering that the world is ending as a result of we all know underneath Trump it is actually simply starting.