I’m penning this from the depths of despair — a depth so deep I had not realised its true extent till I discovered myself firmly nestled inside it. In contrast to those that swiftly repackage their tragedies into LinkedIn-ready narratives of grit and resilience, I’ve but to extract an inspiring ethical from this unfolding catastrophe. And so, moderately than weaving a story {of professional} fortitude for social-media clout, I select as an alternative to make sense of my destiny in a nationwide day by day, hoping that the sheer absurdity of all of it would possibly resonate past my speedy circle.
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For years, the arrival of a brand new yr has meant little greater than a cyclical change in calendar dates, usually accompanied by a lingering sense of stagnation. However 2025, for as soon as, appeared totally different. The yr started with an air of promise — an impending promotion, a newfound dedication to well being, a cautious optimism that, regardless of every thing, maybe this might be the yr issues circled. The promotion, whereas extra a operate of circumstance than my distinctive abilities, nonetheless carried a way of validation. Assured that the formal paperwork is due any second within the first month of the yr, I enthusiastically took on extra tasks.
Then got here January 20.
A date of little historic significance to the world at massive however is now ceaselessly woven into my timeline. Staying true to its character, our workplace WhatsApp group was buzzing with unremarkable debates over a colleague’s precise birthday, punctuated by dry company humour that one feels obligated to acknowledge, notably when a efficiency evaluation is pending. Shattering the mundanity, our Chief of Occasion, dropped a LinkedIn publish that felt like a missile disguised as a routine replace. Hooked up was the textual content of the brand new government order signed by Donald Trump, the just lately elected, anointed and self-proclaimed King of the imperial superpower. The “Re-evaluating and Realigning the USA International Support” order dictated a 90-day cease to all US overseas improvement help, beneath the pretence of making certain alignment with American pursuits and values.
Panic coursed by the workplace. An American and an outspoken Trump critic, our Chief of Occasion dismissed the order as one more ploy from the President to claim his energy and sow concern. “That is nothing USAID hasn’t seen earlier than,” she assured me. “This too shall cross.” However as she spoke, a sinking feeling settled in — one which solely deepened as the times unfolded.
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I ought to make clear what I do and why this second unravelled my world. I work for one of many many contractors of USAID, working in India to help in its developmental objectives. Particularly, our workplace is a part of USAID’s MECLA platform—Monitoring, Evaluating, and Studying for USAID/India’s actions. We’re one in every of many USAID-funded initiatives in India. Solely days prior, we had been reassured that our funding was secured for an additional yr. And so, with naive confidence, we clung to the idea that this was merely a short lived bureaucratic hiccup.
Actuality struck in full power on January twenty fifth, when an e mail arrived from the pinnacle workplace within the US instructing us to stop all work with USAID, instantly terminate our consultants, and chorus from contacting our USAID counterparts. We have been to attend — both for a choice from USAID or for the 90-day evaluation interval to run out. My scepticism from Monday morphed into full-fledged panic by Saturday. Already reeling from a current gallbladder elimination, I now discovered myself spiralling into existential dread: What if I by no means returned to the workplace? What if I by no means noticed the colleagues I tolerated — apart from a valuable few — ever once more? Crying classes have been swiftly scheduled and dutifully held, that includes me in misery and my beloved coworkers making an attempt futile comfort.
By Monday, the gravity of our scenario was simple. An all-hands assembly was convened to dissect the implications of the chief order and decide a path ahead. With a practical detachment, we resolved to behave in one of the best pursuits of our contracting company, which, predictably, meant slashing operational prices. However what would “lowering pointless bills” even entail?
We discovered quickly sufficient.
Did we actually must gasoline ourselves with limitless caffeine all through the day? Certainly, we may abandon our beloved espresso machine and switch to native tea stalls or tapris as we name it in North India for our stimulant repair? In fact! The primary sufferer of Trump’s decree, signed roughly 12,000 kilometres away, was our workplace espresso machine! Emboldened by this symbolic act of austerity, we took issues a step additional: Why trouble coming to the workplace in any respect if we couldn’t save on lease? If our days have been to be consumed by bettering dust-collecting CVs, crafting determined cowl letters, and endorsing one another on LinkedIn, why not achieve this from the consolation of our properties?
It wasn’t till I verbalised my frustration to a pal that the absurdity of all of it actually crystallised.
“That is totalitarianism,” I ranted. “One man indicators a bit of paper, and out of the blue, I’ve to forfeit my proper to caffeine! And that’s the least of it — we have been compelled to fireside our workplace boys with out discover or severance. Individuals whose month-to-month salaries amounted to a mere fraction of what our senior consultants made in a day.” This skilled limbo was a jolting reminder of the transient nature of my employment and for hundreds all over the world. Would we be reinstated? Until when are we to carry out on relentless hope?
And so, the anxieties escalated and the descent continued. Every morning, our WhatsApp group grew to become a repository of contemporary horrors, updates on the battles being waged throughout numerous affected organizations, and our collective, unstated realisation: hope dwindling. We scour LinkedIn, hoping for a miracle earlier than our financial savings run dry, trapped within the shadow of a decree that has lowered us from professionals to pawns in an authoritarian show of energy.
That is the fashionable face of totalitarianism — not the overt power of army coups or surveillance states, however the quiet, insidious energy of bureaucratic indifference. A single stroke of a pen in Washington reverberates by corridors the world over, rendering individuals disposable with chilling effectivity. No bullets, no threats, no fanfare — simply an government order, and lives upended right away.
The author was related to USAID
